otherbitches | IC Inbox [ RUBI ]

Oh yeah. 'Family.' [ Sorry, Eddie, but Billy doesn't know their intimacy like Jem or Eddie do. Doesn't know if that care might extend to him by association. Hasn't categorized it or felt it plainly. One day Jem just had a 'family' for all to see on the network, Danny's crimes a funny little stage for the comedy to unravel on. ]

Listen— he's like me. [ Ground out, annoyed, because he thinks that's right at least. In a lot of ways, he and Murphy are... similar. You're with me or you're against me. Billy knows that line of thinking, once put the whole fucking world on the other side. Still might on the worst days. ] He's going to do what he needs to do to feel... safe.

That bother you a lot? ( eddie asks, brows knit together but he's not really surprised by it. he doesn't always understand it either, but he understands it enough. probably more so since john told him it extends to him, to billy. now that eddie can have a taste of it beyond an abstract concept wayne tried to embed in him.

he takes a moment as billy keeps talking, takes a drag of his cigarette and exhales the smoke slowly. ) Yeah. Okay. It's-- I get that. I don't want you getting hurt because of it either.

[ Clipped: ] It's none of my fucking business. [ What is a family? Something that leaves you. Something that's cold. Something that hurts you. Something you might want, but lack the blueprint for. Better not to have it at all.

He scoffs, sucks on the cigarette and hardly feels the burn when he exhales through his nose. ] Don't worry about me. He's like me. I know how to deal with me.

It kind of is. It's part of the boyfriend territory. ( he wants to say what john told him, that it extends to the two of them. that he and billy are welcome in john's home, in his family too. but billy's tone is too sharp. )

Hargrove, I'm going to worry about you. ( he says that quickly too, stops walking on their destinationless stroll. ) That's part of the territory too.

( of being jem's boyfriend, of being whatever the fuck the two of them are when they aren't touching or fucking, when they aren't lost in the 'your mine's' that slip out so easily when the clothes come off. )

[ Eddie speaks to two things; one settles snug in the base of his chest, and the other makes him twitch. ]

You know, [ he says, voice turning a little mean. ] usually it does come with the territory. But this isn't a fucking usual situation, is it?

[ And he's never BEEN a whole ass boyfriend before, especially to someone who... might have a father figure who might just be a boyfriend or is maybe both. He doesn't know how to treat it now that it's entered an interpersonal scenario. If he's supposed to even acknowledge it. And if he doesn't, does it come with the territory? ]

I'm saying I'm not gonna get hurt, because I'm not gonna let him push me away.

[ And he's not gonna ditch Jem either, had been so fucking mad when Murphy had told her to go float. ]

No, you're right. It's not. ( it's a fucking web of relationships, of what everything means to each person involved. eddie can't say he gets it all, he just knows that jem has her kinks and has the people that make her feel safe. what she calls them, well, he can't judge her for it because he wants that feeling for himself like a greedy little gremlin. ) But you should talk to her about it if it's eating at you. Isn't that a problem? The shit we don't say.

( he says it firmly, as gently as he can. they're all shit with letting each other in sometimes. ) Fine. Then just don't make yourself the human shield against all the cross-fire.

[ Stubbornly: ] It's not my business. I'm not going to tell her what to do. [ That's a good thing. Isn't it? He's trying. How's he supposed to loosen up and play happy family with Danny? ]

It's not going to get that bad. He needs... [ An uncomfortable pause. He gets Murphy. He does. ] He needs to feel like someone's in his corner.

Who said anything about telling her what to do? Tell her how you feel about it. ( eddie gets why that’s unappealing but he puts that out there, has to say it before he decides he’ll drop it.

the rest of it is important too, is both insight into murphy and into how billy works through things, how he deals with shit and sees himself. that he needs to see this through even if it puts him between a rock and a hard place, somewhere in limbo between a web of people important to him that don’t see eye to eye. eddie’s cig is burning out and he takes one more inhale, tosses filter-less remains of burnt paper in the snow before stuffing both hands in his pockets. ) He’s lucky to have you in it.

( eddie’s there too but, well, that comes with complications. he knows plenty of people in murphy’s life also have their ties back to john. )

No. [ He's frowning, his own cigarette burning down. ] That's not a good idea.

[ Partially because he can't contextualize how he feels. Even the obvious ones he can't put to words: Hurt, about Danny; fear, that he's not enough for her on his own; jealousy, but of what exactly, he couldn't say. ]

And I don't know. We'll see about that. [ He breathes hard through his nose. He does need to talk to Murphy. Check the temperature. Check on him. Jem too. ] Are you going to talk to him?

Don’t wait until it all rots. ( that’s the last of it. eddie knows all about keeping something inside until it’s a nasty, rotted thing ruining everything else it touches. he used to think of himself like that, in the days when being anyone but eddie munson would have made life worth living. )

Probably not today, but yeah. The whole cavalry’s probably too much in one day. ( he needs to try but he’s sure that today it’ll just press deep into a sore wound. he fishes the tin of cigarettes from his pocket, pulls another out and tucks it behind his ear before holding the thin tin out to billy. there’s four rolled cigarettes in there, all pure tobacco. ) Here.

Are you coming back home tonight or are you going to check on him and crash there? ( he asks but there’s no judgement in his voice, neither answer is going to set him off. )

[ Billy rotted once, insides turned to chemical rot, stinking of that other dimension. He nods. It'll come to a head eventually, won't it? Billy can gnaw a bone and not let go. On the other hand, he can deflect like a motherfucker. ]

Probably. He needs it though. Don't wait too long.

He thinks— [ Amends: ] Probably thinks you're done with him. The other proxies too. [ Stiffly: ] I would.

[ He breathes through his nose, closes his hand around the tin Eddie offers, feels the warmth in his ribcage. Says slowly: ] I'm going to check on him. Then I'm coming by. I need to check in with Jem.

I'm in her corner too.

Yeah. I won’t and I’m not. ( he nods too, in response. he’d think the same thing in murphy’s shoes but, well, it’s been difficult. murphy wasn’t in the driving seat, didn’t do this and eddie doesn’t blame him, but he’s still the center of a good chunk of eddie’s nightmares. the more fucked up dreams feature a gentle touch, a hand to his cheek that turns into a tentacle around his neck.

another nod and then eddie’s digging around the other pocket, this time pulls out a key. he steps in front of billy instead of beside him, reaches out to slip the key into one of his coat pockets. ) So you can get in. I got the lock fixed finally.

( so someone can stop bitching and worrying about it.

he doesn’t need that last assurance from billy but it’s appreciated. ) I know you are, man.

[ Eddie slips in front of him and Billy pauses, his hand dipping into his pocket to feel the warm metal. ]

Good. This isn't your hick small town. Keep it locked.

[ Said automatically. A rote argument at this point. It won't stop a monster. A magic user. Someone transformed. But, it's security. Not a ward, but something. ]

Hey. [ His hand reaches out, circles Eddie's forearm before he can slip away. It's not easy, but it's easy with Jem. Easier with others too, sometimes. They aren't from home, they don't know the discomfort of standing here, staring into Eddie Munson's eyes and knowing that Eddie also knows what they'd get called back home. ] Thanks. [ Mumbled before he tips forward, pressing their mouths together. ]

No shit? ( eddie snorts at that, glad that billy has enough humor left in him to take a blow at hawkins. that's probably easy to do, even eddie has enough energy for the one-two punch at the old hometown on a shit day.

the hand on his forearm catches him off-guard, as much as it shouldn't. he's not sure why it's so goddman hard with billy when it isn't with anyone else, when even back home he'd kissed curious jocks who were guaranteed to punch him after with less tension in his shoulders. maybe it's the taste of home he sometimes imagines on billy's tongue, maybe it's that they both understand that no matter what they would have wanted -- this sort of thing needed to stay in the shadows kissing out in the open, where anyone could pass by? without risking something? yeah, not in hawkins. not in most places back home where they kept the lights on.

billy has a pretty flush to his cheeks from the cold; eddie feels a little mesmerized by it before their lips meet. he tilts his head, one hand coming up to cup billy's cheek. there's stubble under his palm, warm skin. the kiss is chaste, short and sweet. eddie stays close for just a moment, wants to linger longer in billy's space like they're behind closed doors where it's easier; for now it's just long enough to ask -- ) Try not stay out in the woods too late? Since you're walking back.

( stay safe. )

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cw: suicidal ideation

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