otherbitches | IC Inbox [ RUBI ]

I was a monster a week ago.

Jem can and will be wherever she wants to be. I'm telling you for your sake that she'll be safe.

An accident? That gonna happen again?

[ Not helping him think Jem's safe. ] Listen, she's not fucking okay, she's upset. She should be in the walls, not having fucking tea with a murderer.

A deliberate six week experiment that went too far. It won't happen again, not without more stress than anyone here is capable of generating.

"Should" is bullshit. She's here. She's fine. Eddie's going to come visit. You're also welcome if you can keep the peace with Danny.

Munson's going?

Fuck— did you know about Johnson? Did she?

[ His voice gets smaller on 'her.' A chasm in his chest cracking open, upset at the revelations, yes, but— he knew so little. And she didn't talk to him. ]

I'm a death god, I know a killer when I meet one, Billy.

Jem's furious. I imagine with Petre this all hits a little too close to home. But nobody is fighting under my roof.

And what? Do you even give a shit or does it just get you off?

And I know. I KNOW THAT. [ She's twisted up over Petre, she's twisted up over her... past, her life, that kid Henry, Eudio, now this fucking place, and she won't talk to him. And it makes a fissure crack, that thing he doesn't want to admit, but that lined his fraught conversation with Jem: ] She doesn't WANT to talk to me. [ Said mentally, sure, but Billy's mental voice is shockingly passionate, words hissed through his teeth, a little broken on the 'me.' ]

I think you know that's not true. She's just very scared of care right now — when you lose someone you love, it hurts so fucking much that ever loving again seems frightening.

I know that! I fucking know that TOO.

[ He does know that, knows all about losing someone you love, phone calls that trail off, numbers that get disconnected, a year that becomes the year the letters stopped. He loved, and he never bothered loving again, until— ] FUCK.

[ Sorry, John, you said the 'l' word and they hadn't gotten around to it yet. ]

You're just worried about her, right? She's safe here, and I won't let her ignore everything forever.

You're a good guy, Billy. Give it a day.

[ Give it a day. Give it a day.

…Good guy. ]

You don’t know me.

[ Billy reminds him so much of his actual daughter sometimes that it's a misery, and this message in particular hits that mark. Oof. ]

No. But I trust Jem when she speaks well of you. And Ignatius. And Eddie.

They don't know me either.

You do something fucked up, kiddo? Maybe you are fucked up, broken inside in a way nobody else can fix no matter how hard they try.

Jem comes to me — Danny comes to me — because they know I don't care about any of that. I've lived too long to judge petty human shit.

Give it a day and come over, yeah?

[ The nearly emotionless mental voice is almost soothing, though 'kiddo' rankles; he's never been anyone's kiddo. No, he's been broken for what feels like a very long time, maybe it was nurture or maybe he's always been like this, why else would a mother—?

He sticks on: ] She's not like him.

And— fuck. Maybe. She doesn't want me to.

[ And time is ticking, he's soon going to want to skin Danny Johnson. ]

Are you like him?

More than she is. Bigger count.

He’s— different.

Not as much as you'd think.

Bull.

[ An easy response that... trails off... There's a lot happening in the wake of Quentin's message. A l̷̪̕o̷̰̕t̸̢͑. When Billy's thoughts return to John, they're buttery smooth. His voice had been velvet when he'd spoken to Karen Wheeler an age ago, even though his face had stung, stomach roiling with fury. ]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'll come over.

[ Not exactly beating the just like Danny allegations. Anyway, John has no reason to doubt this change of heart. ]

Tomorrow.

[ Today, in the wake of Quentin's reveal, he has a headache and everyone is tired and a little crabby, Jem still quiet. Pinching Danny when she thinks he isn't looking. Give it a day, he'd said; postponed Eddie the same way. ]

I'm west of the gate, past the big oak trying to grow through the walls, then follow the hunter's trail towards the pond. Tell me when you can see the cabin set into the hill and I'll come bring you through the wards.

[ He doesn't want to wait a day. He wants to storm over there now, press his thumbs into the soft dip of Danny Johnson's throat, press until it punctures and he hears Danny laugh through his throat. ]

Okay. Okay yeah. I can do that. Tomorrow.

Thanks, John.

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cw: description of maiming